*From Irene Georgiou
A child growing up in a balanced family usually enters adolescence with increased confidence and positive self-image. However, there is no "recipe" for many parents, and raising children is a challenge and even more so when adolescence arrives. At this time of his life and the best "shielded" child, he may lose his stability for a while.
The usual challenges of adolescence for children
-Ixized academic requirements
-Xed competition for performance both in lessons and sports
-Puted to confirm erotic
-Foring to become a member of the popular group of children (or at least the group to which he wishes to belong)
-Tagonal and continuous comparison with "successful" children or other patterns via social media
-They bullying and other traumatic events.
What teenagers really need to believe in themselves
Of course, it is not enough to recognize that adolescence is challenging. And contrary to what various coaches often suggest, confidence is unfortunately not built through techniques and exercises. You must always keep in mind that self -confidence means acceptance and love for ourselves. It's almost synonymous.
So:
-Insert the teenager to create a positive but realistic picture of himself. This means, accept your child in their entirety, that is, embrace both its strengths and weaknesses. It would also help you do the same for yourself!
-Emphasize the diligence and amount of investment (time, energy) made by a teenager in relation to the result he brought. That is, do not associate a success with personal intelligence or "talent". You don't have to say, "Well done, you're very smart", but "Well done, you should have read a lot!"
-If the teenager complains about his performance in a field, do not in a hurry to make an observation or give instructions, or to comfort. Say, on the contrary, "and what do you think about doing it?", "What different would you do, if you were back in time, now that you see how it has evolved?" So you give the message that the result a) is something that changes and is not associated with its character, b) that he can do something about it and c) that it is his job to give feedback to himself and to modify his behavior so that he will have another effect next time.
-Ensure him to know himself. His real self, not the one you would like (or himself) to have. Discover him with him. Explore his slopes, his interests. Support him in this search. Even start with little things, like a game: "Tell me your favorite color, animal, food, plant, movie, hero" etc.
-Review any attempt to support himself and his opinion, to claim and risk, even if you do not agree with the content of what he says or does.
-Recall responsibilities and jobs according to his age. It is important to feel important within the team and a member because it offers. Do not infant in an eternal passive position, where he receives interest and care and gives nothing. He will never feel really capable and proud of himself.
-Teach social skills: If he often says "they don't like me", ask your child if he likes the other kids and what he or she does so that he himself becomes sympathetic to others.
-Remember personal progress. Compare it to earlier versions of himself and not with other children or an ideal "model child".
-Do do not exercise "Tough Love" and do not shy a teenager waiting for this to be mobilized and do the right thing. This is devastating for his mental health, but also for the relationship between you.
It is only through acceptance and love that we all evolve. And you have to give him first so that he can give them to himself. Without them, the container of confidence, no matter how it is filled with temporary successes, will always have a hole in the bottom.
*Msc. AUTH, Psychologist EKPA, Psychotherapist Gestalt, Stress Management Trainer
